Saturday, March 7, 2009
Seriously i felt that my weekdays are just pure boring !
Go school , study , go home , read , sleep for five days !
Zzzz !
During the week , only sat and sun most fun !
The rest are just pure boring .
I rather do back i am doing than having the plain/boring weekdays .
To have worry than i may be having stress .
But i now i don't think so at all !
I want to do back .
But i can't choose ?
Especially when i have lost my best friends .
Even recently , found out something that i never expect to be so fast .
I destroyed my life with my own hands .
Not treasuring what i suppose to when i have the chance .
Myself and people around me .
But what can i do now ?
Nothing ?
When teacher help me to go up sec 3 and 4 .
I did not treasure and continue to slack .
Which end up like what i am now .
Friends that continue to be with me and offer help .
Did not treasure and take things for granted .
Which end up no chance to be with them now .
Best friends that given chance one by one to me to change for the better .
Did not treasure and continue to do the same way that i do .
Which end up leaving me .
Even during worship today , i recognise this and felt so ...
Cried and knee down .
Only that period of time , i know that the cause is about me .
Not any other people but just me .
To be able to understand the cause now .
But what can i do now ?
I have no idea .
Even if i say i don't want this boring/plain weekdays i having .
But i have no choice .
What i have today is what i done with my own hands .
I can blame no one but myself .
Now currently , i have no motivation but only one .
To aim , go biomedical science with GPA 3.5 and above to either np or rp .
But if i got the chance i would want to go np cause more easier to go from my house .
If not , rp will be fine .
But WHAT CAN I DO NOW ?
I HAVE NO IDEA !
I been having all this thoughts with me but i don't want others to see .
Therefore i can only be smiling every time ?
No one realize it i think ?
Nothing change therefore i think they don't .
I just blog my thoughts and what i really felt .
No offense .
Cause i have no other place to shout it out .
Seriously , i really felt VERY empty , unhappy and etc .
I don't know how long i can be smiling towards others .
Since i been forcing myself to be different from outside .
So just hope that i can force my way though the whole of this period which is about 2 years ?
Still long , long , long ...
Somethings i really don't understand .
Think it will not go on forever then whats the point to start off ?
To hurt the people involved ?
Nevermind .
But the thing is do i really don't mind ?
I can say but i can't do .
I shall not be alone, yes i wont ; 10:44 AM
